Healing from Guilt and Regret: 3 Practices for Peace

Hello there,

This weekend, I had the privilege of connecting with some truly amazing people—readers just like you—at the launch event for my new book. The afterparty was a special time filled with deep discussions, where we opened up about the struggles we face in life. During our Q&A session, the most heartfelt questions emerged, especially regarding the challenging emotions of grief, guilt, and regret.

Many of us deal with grief in ways that aren’t always straightforward. Some experience anticipatory grief, worrying about a loss that’s coming, while others never had the chance to grieve properly due to life’s distractions. Then, there’s the fear that grief will strike again, or the overwhelming urge to “comfort” ourselves with unhealthy choices when faced with emotional pain.

One topic that stood out above the rest was how to cope with guilt after losing someone. Whether it’s unspoken words, unresolved conflicts, or the feeling that there wasn’t enough time to say goodbye, these feelings of regret can be difficult to navigate. So, while I can’t undo your grief, I want to walk alongside you in this healing journey. Let’s explore a few practices that might help ease the burden of guilt and regret.

Three Practices to Heal Guilt and Regret

1. Ground Yourself in the Present Moment

Regret is an emotion rooted in the past. When we are consumed by guilt, we often get stuck in moments that can no longer be changed. This is especially true when it comes to the final interactions with a loved one who has passed. We might beat ourselves up over missed opportunities or things we didn’t do, replaying scenarios in our minds over and over again.

It’s easy to get trapped in these feelings, but the key is to recognize that the past is beyond our control. We can’t rewrite history. I had my own moment with my dad, who wanted to host a Zoom party with his friends to celebrate his life before he passed. I wasn’t ready to engage in that way, and I still regret it. But as much as I long for that moment to have been different, the only thing I can do now is acknowledge my feelings and focus on the present. I’m no longer in that moment, but I am here now, and here I can learn, forgive, and grow.

Instead of ruminating, which can be damaging, try gently returning to the present. Acknowledge your emotions, but be compassionate with yourself today. You can’t change what happened, but you can take care of yourself in this moment.

2. Find Ways to Express Yourself

The next step in healing is giving voice to those emotions. Sometimes, the weight of regret comes from things we didn’t say, and those unspoken words can haunt us. If you find yourself obsessing over what you should have said, it might help to express it in a way that resonates with you.

You could try speaking directly to your loved one—whether you believe in an afterlife or simply in the ongoing bond you share. I talk to my dad as though he’s still listening, and it provides some peace.

Alternatively, writing a letter can be incredibly therapeutic. Write everything you wished you could have expressed, and then either read it aloud, burn it as a symbol of release, or keep it in a special place. This exercise isn’t about achieving closure but rather about honoring the connection you had with that person and your ongoing relationship with them.

Another important aspect of healing is reaching out for support. Grief, especially when mixed with guilt, can feel isolating. It can be helpful to have someone who can guide you through the emotional fog. A therapist, a trusted friend, or even a support group can serve as that “flashlight” in the darkness.

3. Practice Radical Compassion

This might be the most important step of all: stop being so hard on yourself. Perfection is not required for healing. In fact, being tough on yourself can only hinder the process. It’s essential to practice self-compassion, to accept that you did the best you could in difficult circumstances.

When self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself, “I did the best I could, and that’s enough.” Your heart is likely still healing, and treating yourself with kindness is the key to moving forward. When critical thoughts arise, try responding with the same love and patience you would offer a dear friend. You deserve the same grace.

It’s easy to be harsh on ourselves when we feel we’ve made mistakes or missed opportunities. But what if, instead of criticism, we offered ourselves compassion? What if we could meet our imperfections with understanding, instead of judgment? That’s the true medicine for regret.

The Healing Power of Grace

Regret and guilt are common emotions after losing someone close, but the antidote to these feelings is always grace. When I’m too hard on myself, I look at a picture of me as a child, filled with excitement and innocence. That little girl still lives within me, and she needs my compassion just as much as I need hers.

When I mess up or fall short, I remind myself that she, too, would want grace—not criticism. She would want to be loved, embraced, and forgiven for her imperfections. Offering myself that same grace is a powerful step toward healing.

As you work through your own journey of grief, guilt, and regret, remember that healing is not about erasing the past but about being kinder to yourself in the present. It’s okay to grieve, and it’s okay to regret. But through radical compassion, self-expression, and living in the moment, you can slowly begin to heal and move forward.